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Cletus was fat and Annie was skinny. Food was their passion. Annie craved salt. She lived for chips, popcorn: Cornuts was her favorite snack. Cletus was addicted to sugar. He ate it with a spoon. And honey. He would turn up one of those little plastic bears at a restaurant and drizzle the honey straight down his gullet.
Cletus and Annie were convinced that it was their destiny to be in commercials for food.
Cornuts wanted to hire Annie until she showed up for the interview. Skin and bones the girl was, which wouldn't bode well for Cornuts public persona.
"But I'm healthy!" She pouted to the slick, tub of lard advertising executive as she sat across from him behind his humongous desk, her slim fingers clasped between her bony knees.
"I'm sure you are, Doll." Mr. Executive smiled his greasy smile. "But you are a bit on the thin side. Cornuts needs a spokesperson with a little more heft." He laughed and his big belly shook. Annie could have crawled under her chair.
Across town, Cletus was applying for a job as a spokesperson for Burleson Honey. The rail thin advertising executive sat next to Cletus in her minimilist chair of angles and lines. She laid her small hand on Cletus' round knee. "I'm sorry son, but you are just a little on the large size to be a spokesperson for us. We need someone who's slim, with a presence that would be a testament to the health benefits of eating our honey."
But I AM healthy!" Cletus was indignant, but unhired.
Cletus and Annie met at their favorite diner after their interviews were over. The little honey bear sat on their table, taunting Cletus. He ordered a salad with Paul Newman Fat Free Ranch dressing as he skimmed the want ads. The waitress asked Annie if she wanted her regular--a bowl of salty Dorito's tortilla chips with butter and salsa. "No, bring me a dish of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream with Hershey's chocolate syrup."